Help with Relationships

One of the big issues I had was the breakdown of my relationship with my mother. We had not spoken for two years and I was resentful and angry with her. And then I learned she had cancer. Davina helped me to look at the relationship and see it in a different light, to understand that my mother too, had had problems in her life and I began to take small steps towards repairing our relationship. I shared openly with Davina and she gently highlighted areas and aspects for me to reflect upon, to look at my part in creating what had developed, over time into bitterness, resentment, a hardness and lack of consideration towards my mum. I began to see that I had nurtured and fanned my own negativity over the years and had really given my mum a very hard time, being impatient with her and holding her responsible for my own lack of self esteem. I can see now that my mother always loved me dearly, that she did the very best she could for me with limited resources and she herself had found life hard and lacked self confidence.   I saw that it was unfair of me to hold her responsible for the way I felt, that some of the characteristics I disliked so in my mum and criticized her for, were in indeed in me too! I learnt how to understand and forgive, and how to practice acceptance around her, to love her just as she was. My mother died four years later. A this point we had made much headway and I am so very grateful that I was able to make things up to her, to let her know that I loved her deeply, to allow her to just be who she was and to sit with her at the end of her life and hold her hand. I always think of her now, with love and just wish sometimes that I had been able to begin making my changes earlier, but accept that I did the best I could.   

Mrs. P.H.